These days we’re not only stressing over what our kids eat, but also over what little they know about nutrition and fueling their bodies. As a pediatric dietitian, I don’t know how many times I’ve heard parents say about their kids eating “I just want them to eat something” or “I’m so worried they’re not getting enough.” As a parent, your natural duty is to protect your kids, which includes making sure they have good nutrition.
While dietitians often recommend Responsive Feeding or The Division of Responsibility (feeding in response to hunger/fullness cues), parents often turn to Non-Responsive Feeding (you guessed it – pressuring kids to eat regardless of hunger cues) due to worry of their kids not getting enough nutrition.
It’s not just what we feed our kids that’s important, but it’s also how we feed them and our language around food that matters.
Does it Matter How We Talk to Kids About Food?
Do you ever recall hearing these comments growing up or saying them to your own kids?
- ” Don’t waste food – there’s starving children in Africa!”
- “If you don’t finish your plate, no dessert!”
- “Just eat one piece of broccoli, please.”
- “Why can’t you eat well like your sister? You’re so PICKY!!!”
Whether you’ve heard them from your parents, or you’ve said them to your own kids, these are common examples of mealtime conversation. As well-intentioned as they may be, these comments have the potential to strain healthy relationships with food.
But don’t panic – even if you’ve said these statements to your kids before, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Kids are so adaptive, and it’s never too late to change and create more positive mealtime chats.
What Does Responsive Feeding (The Division of Responsibility) Look Like?
In a nutshell, parents or caregivers decide what, where and when foods are served. Children decide whether they eat and how much they eat. In other words, kids get to decide if they want to eat what you’ve offered as well as their portion size.
For more on the Division of Responsibility, see our blog post on picky eating.
By sticking to the Division of Responsibility, you are engaging in Responsive Feeding, meaning that you are allowing your child to stay in tune with their naturally innate intuitive eater. Once you start telling your child how much to eat and whether to eat, you’re stepping into their roles and opening the door to Non-Responsive Feeding, which teaches them not to trust their internal cues. (1)
This can be problematic as children grow into adults, as not trusting their body’s hunger and fullness cues sounds a lot like unhealthy dieting patterns (it is).
If this sounds hard, you’re not alone. A study of 40 parents with preschoolers indicated that the “whether” and “how much” parts of Responsive Feeding (i.e. your child’s roles) were the most difficult to adhere to. (2)
Food Language to Use and Avoid with Kids
| Say This | …Not That |
| It’s okay to be selective. There are other foods to choose from for now. Otherwise, our next meal is planned in 2 hours, which is turkey meatballs with rice and broccoli. | You’re a picky/fussy eater. |
| (Once the meal is complete): We have ice cream for dessert tonight. Would you like some? | If you finish your plate you’ll get dessert. |
| If you want to try it and you don’t like it, you can politely spit it out in your napkin. | Try it, just one bite! You’ll like it. How do you know you’ll like it if you never tried it before? |
| Is your tummy telling you you’re full or would you like more? | Well done! You ate it all! |
Dealing with Barriers
Food is Expensive
This one is completely understandable in today’s economy. Canada’s Food Price Report 2026 forecasts another increase in food prices by 4-6%, with Alberta being above the national average. In the past 5 years, we’ve seen an increase of 27% in food prices. 27%!! (3)
Here are some tips to help reduce food waste:
- Encourage your child to take a small amount of food first to try. They can always take more.
- If your child leaves food on their plate, please resist the urge to scold them. Is there a way they could eat this as a leftover? For example, if there is chicken left on the plate, could you repurpose it into their sandwich at lunch tomorrow?
- If all else fails, remind yourself and your child that it’s not a waste if the food is recycled back into the soil as compost or into your own garden. Food scraps provide valuable nutrients to grow more food.
Children Commenting That Food Looks ‘Gross’ or Unappealing
You may have heard the statistic before that kids need to be exposed to a food 15-20 times before they accept it. So, it’s no surprise kids might use negative language around food such as calling it ‘gross’, even if you’ve served it to them before. Rather than feeling discouraged and tempted to tell them they’ve tried it before and they like it, try to remain neutral and stick to the facts:
- This is spinach. It’s another kind of salad green, which is softer than lettuce.
- Mangoes are sweet and creamy.
- I made these fries from real potatoes and then put them in the air fryer to crisp them up.
This is a great opportunity to teach ‘don’t yuck someone else’s yum’.
Neurodivergent Kids
Often, we need to adjust our strategies for neurodivergent children (eg. children with Autism Spectrum Disorder or ADHD) because their brains work differently than neurotypical children, including how they experience food.
Per Ellyn Satter, expert dietitian in the Division of Responsibility, “Neurodivergent children are more likely to struggle with texture sensitivity or prefer to eat the same foods the same way, over and over again.” Satter encourages parents to adjust their expectations when using the Division of Responsibility with neurodivergent kids and resist the urge to pressure children to eat. The main goal is to create a positive feeding relationship. (4)
In neurodivergence, there is often a preference for highly processed foods, since they are reliably consistent in taste, texture, and appearance. Unprocessed, whole foods have variations in these properties (don’t forget, “fruit is a gamble” according to the show, Seinfeld), which can make trying the new food a bit scary since the child does not know what to expect.
One strategy I like to use when considering neurodivergence is called ‘The Steps to Eating’. This helps to break down the steps into more manageable, bite-sized pieces. Rather than expecting a child to put a new food in their mouth and swallow it, we might start with simply tolerating being around the food or smelling it. Slowly, we walk up the steps closer to the goal of trying the new food. (5)
Your Own Food Beliefs or History
Sometimes it can feel triggering to parents when their child complains about a food you know they like (or at least liked). Parents can take this as an opportunity to self-regulate their own emotional response to their child’s reaction. As the parent, what is your emotional attachment to the outcome? Where does this expected outcome come from? How can we regulate these strong emotions so that we keep the food experience positive?
Despite our best efforts, sometimes mealtimes can continue to be a battle. If you’re struggling with navigating mealtimes with your little one, our pediatric dietitians are here to help!
Categorized: Kids Nutrition
